Another Page is Turning

If you attended our wedding, you might remember Bebo Norman's "A Page is Turned" was performed while Jonathan and I washed each other's feet during the ceremony. The lyrics speak of a young boy and young girl who first find salvation and a 2nd chance in Christ, and then God brings them together. Anyway, we love the song, and it tells our story very well.

However, as much as the original version is great, I'm thinking though that he needs to write another verse, the one we are currently going through of falling in love with our daughter. I cannot believe how one so little can clench so hard on the heartstrings. And she is getting so big! The day after my mom left, she started "talking" to anything that she watches - she coos at her mobile, her crib gym, her toys in her bouncy seat, and even herself in the mirror on the changing table. It is so cute! And we're starting to see more and more toothy little grins, but of course, we can't get her to do it for the camera yet.

She is starting to get better at nap taking, too, which is a huge blessing for me. When she turned a month old, I introduced a pacifier. Now if you know me, I'm not crazy about that, but we've learned that Emily sleeps light during the day, and with the pacifier, instead of startling herself awake and crying, she startles, sucks, and goes back to sleep for the remainder of her nap. Also, I made a naptime routine for her - swaddle her up, read her a story, rock for a minute or two while I hum her lullaby, and then lay her down. She's drowsy at this point, but not sleeping, and 95% of the time, drifts off into dreamland without a fuss.

We are still fighting her evening fussy time, and it has gotten really bad during the past two or three days. I think a lot of that is the food I'm eating now; one of the changes we came back on duty to is that we have a menu set for us and the food bought for us, so it isn't quite as healthy as I was eating during pregnancy and during our maternity leave. I do the best I can, and I've pulled hard from the garden (but I've pretty much wiped it out by now - it was a big garden, but with little amounts of 11 different veggies, strawberries, and herbs), but the extra processed foods and not as many fresh veggies makes her pretty gassy. I finally got Little Tummys Gripe Water for her yesterday and that helps if she takes some right before she eats. She actually had a great night last night and that was the first in a couple of nights, so I'm encouraged.

On news other than the baby (yep, you can say thank you now!), it's been a challenging three weeks or so. Some things changed while we were off duty with Emily, and we're adjusting to a momentarily bumpy ride on the campus, and I think I'm struggling with some baby blues as well. Of course, having three of our kids leave in one week didn't help that at all. I'm also not handling stress as well as I could before Emily was born, so I get overwhelmed, and I just don't function great when I hit that point.

But if it has done anything, it's deepening my relationship with Christ. I'd been struggling for quite some time on desiring Him; not feeling like I'm spending time with Him because I'm supposed to or am obligated to, but wanting to be with Him because I crave it and get joy out of it. I don't know if it was pregnancy hormones or what, but the past almost year or so has been a struggle in that area for me. It's been a lonely struggle as well. As you well know (warning: prepare for a soapbox), Christians aren't supposed to be unhappy in the relationship with God; it's like we aren't normal human beings who go through the gamut of feelings. We sit in the pews Sunday after Sunday and fake it, always having a smile and the reply of "I'm fine" or "We're blessed" week after week when everything is very not fine, but of course, one never says that, especially when one works in a ministry field. It's funny, though; when I worked for a church, and it was probably just the church I worked in, I could be honest about that. I had struggles, and people knew I did, and didn't blow it off with a "well, you just need to pray more or study your Bible harder". Truth be told, I wanted more and always have wanted and craved and fought for a dynamic relationship with Christ. If we really are Christians, we are indwelt with the Holy Spirit. That Holy Spirit is so powerful that it has the power to rise one from the dead; He did it with Jesus, and He has done it for millions who were utterly dead in themselves and their sin. Why don't we live that? What would the church be like today if we touched that? Instead of diseased, decayed, and dying, there might be a breath of life!

Anyway, I'll hop off my soapbox now before I get myself into trouble. One of the best books I read during this past year, and would highly recommend it, was When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy by John Piper. He is very honest and it was very refreshing for me. In the meantime, I feel like I'm starting to come out it, which is a huge relief and joy for me. I know God has us go through our seasons for a reason, and so I'm trusting in that.

I'd keep blogging, but Emily is crying, so I need to get going.

--Debbie